Do you really know who you're dating?
A friend of mine asked me the other day if I had a motive when it came to dating? Unsure of how to respond I replied, 'Well no, it depends on what you mean by a motive?'
I've never considered myself to act in a particular way when it comes to dating men. Dating a man in my eyes is supposed to be a fun way to get to know a person. I've never looked on it as anymore than that. I have seen in some cases where women have felt that after a first date, they have found the one. How can one know so much about someone after a couple of hours?
I read a paragraph written by -AskChey (All Men Have a Motive)
"Having a motive is a great thing. It shows that you have goals, a plan, and are ready to execute your plans to get what you want in life. A man’s role is to lead, so it’s extremely important for any man you are associated with to have a motive, assume the role of leadership, and add value to your life in some way shape or form. If you are associated with men who have no motive, ask yourself “why”. Not all motives or intentions are bad, but do note that all men strategically plan out the moves they are going to make well before they make them.
Men value their time and their money. One of the first signs that a man is interested in you is when he willingly parts with his time or his money. Women are very emotional creatures and make decisions primarily based on their mood(s). Since this is so, a man has to be sure to say the right thing at the right time if he plans on reaching his ultimate goal."
My response to that would be, yes it's good to have a plan or a motive, but not when someone's feelings are being disregarded and they're getting hurt. Dating should be a learning process, which should either lead to something wonderful, or end because it wasn't meant to be. Infact, I've dated men in the past who I'm really good friends with now. At the time of dating, it wasn't about gaining any materialistic goods from them, or experiencing any sexual pleasure. We just became close because we understood each other and knew what we both wanted. Unfortunately, it wasn't a serious relationship.
I have learned over the years that in order to connect with a person, you have to learn everything about them, even to the smallest detail. It's important that communication is in place for any type of relationship to work. Whether that being friendship, or a partnership.
Processing the information that my friend went on to explain, I noticed that he found many women to have a motive whilst dating. There were some that were 'Gold Diggers,' others who were not ambitious, a small amount who were lazy, careless, or simply out for self gain. Then there were the ones who wanted a man who would buy them the world without wanting to give back anything in return. Hearing this made me question him. I found it hard to believe that there was a vast amount of women out there who just dated a man to get what they wanted from him.
Being a very independent, ambitious woman myself, I would never dream of dating, or persuing a man to bleed him dry. In fairness, I don't actually have the time to waste. I only have the time and patience for a man who takes me seriously.
Some women find it difficult to know when a man is really serious about them, but in order to work that out, they have to analyse how he operates. You can often tell when a man is serious about getting to you know you, or is looking for wifie material because his manner is different to that of someone who is out to play mind games. The way he speaks to you, his body language and his consistency are all the things you shoul observe.
Dating someone who knows how to treat a lady can often draw you in, but you still have to be cautious. Until you know in your heart that you know someone properly, do not fall into the trap of trusting them so soon. It takes time and that's why it can take months of dating one person before you know them well enough. You may still not know everything about them, but it's better than knowing nothing at all. The men you do have to be careful of are, the ones who proclaim they love you before you're even committed to one another. Ask yourself, what is the hurry?
After going on a roller coaster of relationships in my past, my whole perception on dating has
changed. I won't date a man because I believe he can offer me material things. I'll date him because he shows me the respect I deserve. I'll put the time in getting to know him because his actions have spoken louder than his words.
I've worked hard for the things I have today, so to have a motive would be pointless. I don't need man to buy me a car, or clothes, because I have purchased these things on my own. The only motive I would be guilty of having is wanting companionship. No one wants to grow old alone, but having said that, I will not allow myself to jump into a relationship with someone I don't even know. Too many women and men these days date for a short minute, have sex the next minute and by the time they analyse the situation, they know nothing about the person they have opened their soul up to. To be honest, I think there's a percentage of both men and women who have motives whilst dating. There are men who will wine and dine a woman to make her feel like she is the most amazing person in the world in order to get her into bed. He will go as far as taking her out a couple of times, ask her questions about her life to sound interested, but then his intentions are wrong.
After having a long converstion with my friend, he showed me the video below and asked me my thoughts. Creflo Dollar talks about the importance of asking questions whilst dating in a funny yet truthful way. Asking questions reduces the risk of unwelcomed surprises and I'm sure many of us have experienced certain situations in our lives, which have left us completely baffled.
So what have you learned from this video? Do you think that in order for dating to work you have to be prepared for the questions? Do you think the questions mentioned in this video are too personal to be questioned at an early stage? Has Creflo gone over board about the things a person should ask whilst dating? Is it important that you focus on how much money a person earns in order to define them as a person? I don't think a person's salary is relevant. You could have someone who earns a high salary and finds it difficult to put in the time to getting to know you, and you could have a man who is on minimum wage that would love you with is all heart. As long as he is supportive, physically and mentally, why should it matter
To be honest, I agree with many of the issues which were rasied in this small clip. Why waste your time with someone who is not going to be your potential life partner, if that's what you're looking for? Isn't it better to find out earlier, rather than later that you're not compatible? Asking questions is a must and should not feel like you are invading their privacy. If a person has nothing to hide, they will be more than willing to comply.
People may be the attractive on the outside, but if you don't take the time to get to know them, you may find out that you're actually dating the devil himself. What's on the outside may not necessarily be what's on the inside.
In order to find the person you hope to marry, you may have to date many frogs before you find your prince. Just don't rush into anything. Marriage is sacred, therefore when you make that important decision to wed, you need to make sure that you've made the right choice. These days everyone rushes into getting married and not before long, they are filing for a divorce.
You need to be the person that you want to attract, but in saying that, make sure you know everything about yourself and what you want first. How can you expect to date someone and you don't actually know what you want.
Being single is the stage where you should be preparing yourself for that soul mate. It should be at this point that you love yourself enough not to settle for anyone not worthy of your time, including the ones who take you out and have nothing to offer you. Just enjoy dating and you never know what the outcome could be.