As women, are we wrong to have high expectations in a relationship?
As a strong, independent woman, I have always relied solely on myself, because whenever I've put my trust in others, they have quite often let me down. After many years of failed relationships, I told myself that I would never settle for anything less than the best. Because, the best is what I deserve and no matter what I have been through, it never made me give up on the hoping that the right man would step into my life one day.
I know I am not perfect, but I know I am an amazing person at heart with very good intentions.
Whilst I am happy to be single. I will not tolerate any mistreatment from anyone, not even my children.
I will put my foot down when I don't like something that is being done to me and as sad as it seems, I feel this has in fact caused men in my past to feel uncomfortable with my strength making them believe I don't need them. There is nothing wrong with not wanting to rely on a man for certain things, because a man who genuinely loves a strong woman for who she is, will embrace her power and in fact encourage her to become a better woman. A man should not feel inferior just because a woman he meets is quite capable of standing on her own two feet. I'm sure there are men out there looking for a woman like this, whilst the ones who have a woman as such, are unable to cope with her requirements. As simple as those requirements may be. A woman who is strong minded, knows what she wants, is happy within herself, will always have certain things she looks for in a future partner. Not because she thinks she is perfect, but the fact is, every women hopes for someone who has the same aspirations and goals as themselves. With this, you can work together, build together and support each other on your journeys. If you are both on different pages, have nothing in common, then the connection and goal may be more difficult to accomplish.
I personally feel, as I have got older my expectations of how I should be treated in a relationship have become quite high. Some people say that you if you don't have any expectations, you will never be disappointed. True as it stands. But, why should a woman who wants certain things in life, except anything but the best? I know that in order to be in the right place emotionally and mentally, I have to be happy within myself. Therefore, there needs to be some type of expectations and basic requirements before you get into a potential relationship, to compliment that happiness.
If I am in a serious relationship, as in looking to have a future with a man. It means I hope to settle down with him. I aim to support him, love him and encourage whatever dreams he hopes to pursue. I have no issue with cooking for him when he is hungry, or massaging him when he has had a bad day. I am happy to help with his children, should he have any before we got together.
The plan would be, to build together, buy property together, travel together and work as a team to also raise my children. Then hopefully for it to end in marriage.
I expect there to be good communication in place. I expect to be taken seriously, by being a priority and not an option. I want to be respected, loved and honoured. I deserve trust, honesty, loyalty and an amazing connection which involves a sexual connection. Yes, I said it, being sexually compatible is a major aspect in a relationship. When you can feel each other spiritually, by touching the soul, this is very deep, but very comforting at the same time.
No woman in her right mind wants to be in a relationship where there is no progression, no commitment and certainly no change. When a man thinks entirely about himself, his goals and doesn't include you in any of his future plans, you then have to think about what his actual intentions are. Ask him why is he with you? What does he want from you, because if he is not in line with the simple requirements I mentioned above, what is his purpose in the relationship? A man who wants you, would keep you under his wing and do everything in his power not to let you go.
Many men may say, I want too much. But, I don't think wanting basic things is a high expectation. It's a simple requirement. Now, if I expected my future man to have his own car, own his own place, be able to cook, run his own business, have money to always spend on me and have no children. That is taking it to another level.
If a man is able to cook, then that's a bonus. Lets cook together and create tasty meals. If a man can drive, lets take turns in getting around. If you haven't got a car, don't worry, I don't mind picking you up. Just don't think you are going to keep taking my car without my permission because you think it's yours. If a man doesn't own his own home, it's fine. Owning your own home these days is not that easy, especially with the whole process being so expensive.
You are always welcome to come stay at mine every now and again, once we are in a an established relationship and that has to be many, many months down the line after my children are familiar with you. I never bring men around my boys unless they are family or close friends, because its very important that I show my children that I have respect for myself and also for them.
I do not want a man for his money. I go to work and get my own. I do not need a man to drive me about. I drive and have my own car. I don't need a man to pay my bills because I make sure they're paid every month. I love to travel, see the world and explore ideas because I am ambitious.
I aim to be in a relationship for companionship, love, trust and support. Nothing more, nothing less. I know there are people out there, who hate being alone and I'm sure no one actually sets out to be single. But, I must stress, being single isn't a bad thing. Sometimes loving yourself more than you could ever love yourself is enough to let someone else see that you know your worth. If you don't know your worth, a man who is not looking to complete you will dismiss it and maybe take you for granted.
when you are looking to have a successful relationship, there has to be some sort of boundaries in place from the get go. Otherwise, what you will find, is that you spend months, or even years, wasting your time and energy on someone who clearly doesn't see you in the same light as you see them.
So, my conclusion to this blog is that we are never wrong to have high expectations in a relationship, because if we don't expect highly of ourselves and everything we do, we will always receive nothing more than trash and how whats to keep putting out trash for the rest of their lives..